One of the questions I'm most frequently asked
is, "How do you know when it's time to quit?"
In terms of when to give up on your marriage,
here's what I recommend.
If divorcing is a consideration for you from a
moral perspective, then before you go that route,
try first for at least one year.
Did you hear that?
Try for at least one year!
And I mean REALLY try. You can always call it
quits. You always have that option. But once you
pull that trigger, it's over. No more chances.
Your life will never be the same. Do you have
kids? If you do, their life will never be the
same.
If you end your marriage, you don't want there to
be a shred of doubt in your mind. You don't ever
want to look back and wonder if things could have
been different. You don't want to ask yourself,
"What if this...and what if that...what if I
tried this...what if I did that?"
If you have to end your marriage, you want to
know DEEP IN YOUR HEART that you did everything
you could to make it work.
If you have to end it, you want to be able to
move on with your life and into another
relationship with a clear head. You want to come
to a place of healthy "closure." THIS IS CRUCIAL!
And to accomplish this, in my experience, it
takes at least one year. I know it probably seems
like a long time, but it's an investment in the
rest of your life.
Here's the key point. Listen
carefully. It's a good investment for the rest of
your life WHETHER YOUR MARRIAGE SUCCEEDS OR NOT.
Obviously, it's a good investment if you turn
your marriage around. But if you don't, it will
NOT have been a wasted year. It will have been
the most important thing you could have done with
that year because of how your effort will impact
the rest of your life AND (if it comes to this)
YOUR NEXT RELATIONSHIP.
I have seen too many cases of spouses ending
their marriage prematurely, and as result of not
reaching "closure" in one relationship, they find
themselves in the same situation a few years
later with someone else.
In private sessions with people, sometimes the
progress I help them make turns out to be more
beneficial for them in their next relationship
than in their current one.
I remember once when the marriage of someone who
registered for the Lone Ranger Track of the
Marriage Fitness Tele-Boot Camp ended in the
middle of the program. This man asked me if he
should continue with the final 3 weeks of the
program. I said, "Absolutely."
He responded, "Why? What's the point? My marriage
is over."
"You're not doing it for this marriage," I
explained. "You're doing it for the benefit of
your next one."
Now don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that your
intention while you're working on your marriage
should be for the benefit of your life after your
marriage. Your intention needs to be to restore
your CURRENT relationship. But if you fail, your
effort will NOT have been for naught.
Bottom line is this. If you're asking, "When is
it time to call it quits?" The answer is: one
year after you think you're done. If after one
year of trying everything in your power to make
your marriage work you're still miserable, then
you should consider moving on. Until then, hang
in there and don't give up.
This topic reminds me of my situation many years
ago. I remember learning late one night that my
wife had an appointment with a divorce attorney
the next morning. We were hours from "done." Who
would have ever thought that we could turn things
around at that point?
It's NEVER too late! In fact (and here's real
food for thought), very often the turning point
in a marriage is when a couple hits rock bottom.
Sometimes it's not until things couldn't get
worse that they can get better.
Find out "The Simple Truth About Your Marriage"
in just a few days.
This was part 6 of your report, "7 Secrets for
Fixing Your Marriage."
Wishing you well,
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